i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
