I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
