3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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