gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
