Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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