this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
