Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
