what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
