so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
