i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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