At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Of course I have a pirate flag
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
