You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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