After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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