dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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