Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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