We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
