That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
