The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
