Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
