I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
