If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
