dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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