I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
