i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
