3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
