Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize