Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
