I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
