i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
