Nicole vs. Life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
