Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
