I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
