I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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