i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
