everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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