we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
