i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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