I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
