She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
