1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
