Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
