and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
