he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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