I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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