I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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