what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I could fuck to npr.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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