Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
