Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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