i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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