I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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