Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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