I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
