you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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