Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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