i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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