Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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