If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
