How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
