my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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