her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
