yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
