Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
