So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize