she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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