I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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