I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
