do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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