you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
