Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
