So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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