Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
