But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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