Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
