He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
